Comedy

In the past, I refused to call myself a standup comedian until I was paid. That's just obnoxious. Just because I shoot hoops at the Y doesn't mean I can introduce myself as a "basketball player". It's like all the "actors" you meet in New York City. I Am A Stand-up Comedian If you ever meet a comic, and he tells you wonderful comedy is, and how passionate he is, and how it's his "destiny" and "purpose for being," punch him. Hard. Because he is an "open miker." And open mikers suck. But, Vince, weren't you an open miker? Yes, perhaps, at one point. I have certainly done open mikes. But I was never an "open miker". "Open mikers" do open mikes not for auditions or to try new material, but simply because they can't even perform for free. Think about that. Spend three years developing a five-minute act, and it is still so bad that everyone says, "I can't listen to this guy for less than five bucks and a drink." Open mikers go to open mikes and do their same boring act, on the off chance that, "Hey, maybe this joke will work the 237th time I tell it." And then they send tapes to bookers, and stand in line for eight hours for "Last Comic Standing" and the Aspen Comedy Festival. And any comic with any talent trying to be found simply gets lost in the shuffle (and I'm referring to people significantly further along the ladder than myself), or dies of exposure on the sidewalk in front of Stand Up New York.